Starting January off with the encouragement to quit something feels really nice…
Yes, I know. I recently wrote to not quit on your hardest day, yet here I am about to share why it’s important to in fact quit something, especially when there is a misalignment of values.
What I think this is actually about is doing the hard thing because it’s the right thing. So while I may have quit a project, I stood up for myself and what I value as a person and a business owner. That feels like committing, not quitting.
Quick context on values…
When I say values I mean the foundational beliefs that you as a person and/or business work to create, uphold, and stand for.
I like this from Brené Brown’s Dare to Lead List of Values:
“Living into our values means that we do more than profess our values, we practice them. We walk our talk—we are clear about what we believe and hold important, and we take care that our intentions, words, thoughts, and behaviors align with those beliefs.”
Culturally, there’s been a lot of resistance to the hustle and the grind of work life…
The leaning out and quiet quitting of recent years is a welcome and needed reaction in a lot of ways. Lots of us millennials and gen x’ers were engrained with the ethos that quitting was never really an option. You did everything and anything possible to see something to the end, regardless of how it made you feel or what it did to you.
I distinctly remember the taekwondo class my older brother used to take. The motto was: “Winners never quit and quitters never win. I choose to be a winner.” I literally never took that class a day in my life, but that is burned into my memory.
A few months ago I chose to be a quitter…
During a discovery session to kick off a project, the client kept stating how the mission and messaging of their brand should communicate they were a welcoming space to all. Yet when probed further with direct questions about what that means and how it shows up day to day, they made it clear they were not willing to state directly and/or publicly that they support members of the LGBTQIA+ community. Their message of “we accept all” came with conditions and in the end, felt like a contradiction.
As a writer and brand strategist whose main medium of communication is words, I could not create marketing messaging and website copy for a brand that wanted to portray acceptance, yet practice exclusion. While my brain was swimming, my gut was very clear: “Shut it down and exit immediately.”
The last time I was in a situation where I went against my internal compass, I promised myself that when it happened again, I wouldn’t betray myself for the sake of others.
I remained professional throughout the rest of the meeting, asking further questions and trying to explore the tension. What continued to emerge validated that this wasn’t an aligned project and that it wasn’t something I could be a part of.
In retrospect…
I wish I would have been brave enough to address it all in person and in the moment. That is my takeaway and opportunity for growth next time. I try and respond instead of react and for me that means taking space, talking about it with a trusted person, and writing down how I want to respond. So that led to me emailing the client the following day.
As a person who has worked hard to build a trustworthy and solid reputation, and as someone who cares very deeply about that, my anxious spiral almost got the better of me. I removed myself from the project, even after the contract had been signed and the first payment had been made. I have never done anything like that before. I was terrified for the outcome, yet I knew it was the next right thing for me to do.
I wrote a clear and kind1 email explaining my reasoning. I didn’t berate them, yet I shared how their desired portrayal of their brand would not match their actions and how that would cause harm.
And the client's response? “Sorry this did not work out for you.” So not only did doing the big, scary thing go over without much feather-ruffling on their part, that response solidified they were never going to be the right fit.
Please don’t give me cookies…
I don’t write this to be praised or cheered for. What I did wasn’t the bravest thing anyone could do, I probably could have done more.
As a cis-het white woman the daily commitment to my values, community, and being a supportive ally doesn’t need to garner a celebration. I’m sharing with the hope that others with similar identities and privileges know that delivering values-focused work and putting an effort towards a more inclusive and equitable world is very necessary today and in the years to come.
How time gives you wisdom…
Many years of being self-employed and building businesses on your own gives you the fortitude to know that failure does in fact mean you’re doing it right. And let’s reframe this whole thing: Quitting something because you’re standing up for something else isn’t a failure.
Getting to a place where you feel grounded, assured, and willing to make choices for your business that might create conflict takes time and experience. I can look back on many a time where I fumbled my way through discomfort, when I didn’t get it right, when I got taken advantage of, or when I fell flat on my face.
Tension and conflict will continue to present themselves in business (internally and externally), especially when you’re driving in the solopreneur lane. And as a brand, when you navigate it with transparency (with yourself or those you collaborate with), it creates opportunities for connection with an aligned audience.
Takeaways for next time…
Communicate it all throughout your process. From the contact form on your website to the proposal and contract, state who you are, what you stand for, and what you don’t so there is no misunderstanding if something comes into question.
Be as curious as possible, get as clear as you can upfront. When you’re in the beginning stages of a potential partnership, project, or business endeavor ask all of the questions.
Practice saying no in the moment. This can be hard (speaking from experience here), so why not write a script and practice it? Prepare yourself for the intro call with exactly what you will say when a misalignment of values presents itself.
Big, braves NOs for 2025
Did you quit anything recently that was actually growth?
What are you not bringing into the new year?
Is conflict hard for you? Has it gotten better with time and experience?
Reply or chat in the comments. I’d love to be in conversation with you!
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Another shoutout to Brené Brown for her philosophy on “clear is kind.”